1. Walmart electronics employees are the least helpful employees that have ever been hired. EVER
2. Blaming Canada can solve all short term problems but not the long term ones.
3. Hitting machines make them go faster.
4. Free AOL disks are a waste of money.
5. No matter what your speech teacher tells you there is no internet in China.
6. If David Bowie and Hello Kitty fought, David Bowie would win.
7. Ogres are real.
8. Never get swindled out of your last dollar by a hobo.
9. Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot that he himself could not eat it?
10. Walking on styrofoam is yay fun.
11. Don't even think of going to Pakganistan. Seriously.
The 101 Uses For Free AOL Disks
1.Frisbees
2.Shooting Targets
3.Fancy Dancy Glasses
4.Ear Rings
5.Food
6.Microwave Desruction Devices
7.Disco Ball
8.Rings
9.Saw Blade
10.Burn Them For Warmth
11.A New Form Of Currency
12.Mirrors
13.Use Them To Scrape Mud Off Your Shoe
14.Use Them As Poker Chips
15.Hubcaps
16.Use Them As Really Thin Wheels
17.Stack Them All Up And Launch Bottle Rockets Out Of The Center
18.Shiny Belt Buckle For Hicks
19.Glue Them To A Piece Of Cardboard And Call It Art
20.A Light Redirector
21.Use As Earmuffs
22.Destructo Disk
23.Pissing Off Your Cat
24.Pen Holder
25.Destruction Device For Your Computer
26.Waste Of Time
27.Try Using Them On Old Record Players
28.Christmas Tree Decorations
29.Use As Wall Paper
30.A Bra
31.Juggling Devices
32.Make Into A Slinky
33.Reflectors For Your Bike
34.Broken Objects To Piss Off The Fruitbooters At The Skate Park
35.Cosmetic Mirror For Womens Purses
36.Very Useful Windchimes
37.A Sled
38.Skipping Stone
39.Medal Detectector Jumbler
40.Book Light
41.Door Hinges
42.Post It Notes For Sharpie Markers
43.Use As Drink Coasters
44.Use Them As Pizza Cutters
45.Throw Them At Annoying People
46.Use Them As A Plate
47.Use Them To Make A Coat Of Armor
48.Used To Screw Up A CD Player
49.Use It As An Eating Utensil
50.Use As A Halloween Mask
51.Stack Them All Up And Make An Easily Destructible Wall.
52.Use As A Matress
53.Glue Them All Together And Make A Giant AOL Disk
54.Grind It Up And Put It In A Pixie Stick
55.Horrible Drink Lid
56.Surgical Cones For Very Small Animals
57.Replace Them As The Toys For Happy Meals
58.Seat Cushions
59.Say They're Ancient Roman Discus And Sell Them To A Museum
60.Tie Them To The Legs Of Unladen Swallows (African Swallows, Not European Swallows)
61.Give It To A Cop And Tell Him Its A Donut
62.Glue Them All Together And Make Links Mirror Shield
63.Use Them As A Hood Ornament For Your Car
64.Stick Them On Your Shoes And Slide Around Or Do The Moon Walk
65.Give Them As Christmas Presents
66.Flaming Frisbees
67.Use As A Sundial
68.Use Them As Kneepads
69.Use Them As Elbowpads
70.Make Shiny Headphones
71.Use As Light Weights For Working Out
72.Throw Them At The Not Very Helpful Walmart Electronics Employees
73.Throw Them At The Librarians Who Continue To Monitor Our Computer Screens
74.Use Them For Paperweights
75.Use As An Emergency Signaling Mirror
76.Blind People In Cars On The Highway With Them
77.Use Them As Hair Ornaments
78.Use Them As A Candle Holder
79.Use As A Paper Cutter
80.Use As A Snow Tunneling Device
81.Use As Binoculars
82.Chinese Throwing Stars
83.Put On Your Key Chain
84.Use As Volume Control For Your Stereo
85.Use As Sideview And Rearview Mirrors
86.Pretend Its A DVD That Doesn't Quite Work
87.Have A Frisbee Fight With Them
88.Use As A Canoe Paddle
89.Use To Scrape The Wax Of A Rail At The Skate Park
90.Make A Holograph (Don't Ask Me How)
91.Use As A Lens Cap
92.Use As A Lens For A Camera
93.Use Them To Distract Your Decrepid Old Bus Driver
94.Stick One In A Playstation And See What Happens
95.Try One In A DVD Player As Well
96.Form Them Into Letters To Make Giant Messages On The Ground
97.Go Seppuku With One
98.Have A Giant Frisbee Fight With Them
99.Fill A Swimming Pool Up With Them And Take A Swim
100.Attach To Hat And Make Kung Laos Razor Hat
101.Or Use It To Load AOL On Your Computer. But No One In Their Right Mind Would Load That Crappy Program In Their Computer.
10. PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR
1. Time Magazine will pick Saddam Hussein for man of the year.
2. George Bush will fight to the death with Saddam Hussein with live media coverage.
3. The evil librarians will continue to monitor our computer screens. You know who you are.
4. Steamboat Springs High School will waste so much paper it will cause a world wide paper shortage.
5. Hello Kitty will fall at the hands of David Bowie.
6. Blake will go crazy and paranoid because people keep calling him Canadian. (Even though he is)
7. Bill Gates will control the entire world with his army of evil computers.
8. Everyone will realize that Macintosh is actually Macintrash.
9. The new year will never come because Rudolf never saved baby new year.
10. Blake and Trevor will stop procrastinating and actually start the movie Ogres Are Real.
11. Gollums fish song will be the number one hit song in North America.
The Most Bestest Quotes
"Dude that writings from Pakganistan!"
Blake on the arabic writing system.
"Watching that kid is like watching a train wreck in slow motion"
Trevor speaking about a kid with a crappy life.
"Dude, your seriously starting to scare me"
Tim trying to calm a psychotic Trevor on the bus.
"As we all know, uranium comes from palm trees so..."
Trevor in a heightened state of psychosis.
"But what if the United States stole Canadas girlfriend, which just happened to be Mexico?"
Trevor explaining why Canada and the U.S.A. wouldn't be buddies anymore.
"You took wearing a hat to a new level"
Blake on the santa hat fiasco.
"Ab uhhhh... Solultey!"
The worst ring sales-man ever.
"Shut up you stupid mute!"
Trevors amazingly contradictory statement that almost ended existence. Really.
"I just stole Jello"
The Gimp on what he just stole from the teachers lounge fridgerator.
"I don't like shorts very much. They're like dumb pants."
The funniest thing I heard all day by Schaller.
"If ignorance is bliss why do they send us to school for 12 years?"
Alyssa makes a good friggin point.
Trevor: "Tim say the funniest thing ever!"
Tim: "Uh... fat?"
It turns out it was the funniest thing ever.
Dorky Ski Instructor: "Hey, can we hop in front of you guys real quick?"
Trevor: "Okay, but you have to hop."
The funny thing is the dumb bastard did try to hop. He promptly failed and about broke himself. Sucka.
Top Five Reasons Why Ninjas Are Awesome
5. They are soooooooo super stealth it'd blow your mind. But unfortunatley you can't see em. Thats how stealth they are. Is your mind blown yet? Good.
4. They can kill you with one touch. THE TOUCH OF DEATH!!!!!!!!!!
3. Those who fight a ninja do not live to tell the tale.
2. They wear black clothing. Even Evil Bettys magic trick can't change the color. "MMMMM you wear red clothes!!!!!!!!
1. All of the above combined times like... a Gajillion. Yeah. Thats how awesome ninjas are.
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